Crushed Dreams

I read this tweeter quote from a pro football player who dropped the game winning pass in the end zone this morning:

"I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO...,"

It reminded me of a moment in my youth. We were the league champs and playing for the CIF championship in So. California. As usual, I prayed with the team before the game and we beat the other team on every front...except the score! It was really disappointing. Crushing actually. In my defeated state I remember commenting to Dee (yes, we were in love way back then), but I prayed! The next morning the LA paper described the loss with the headline "THE CENTER WAS THE CENTER OF THE PROBLEM FOR THE VICTORVILLE JACKRABBITS". You guessed it, I was the center. The writer...who was not at the game...attributed a high snap for a punt and a down field fumble by the quarterback to be my fault and the reason for our losing the championship. There was NO consolation in viewing the video later that week that showed clearly that I had nothing to do with the fumble or the fact that the punter chose to throw the ball to the tackle instead of kicking it. I was really confused and wondered why God did not protect me and help me. I felt just like that pro....I praise you...I prayed...I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS FROM YOU!...WE HAD A DEAL! That may be what started a downward spiral for a while....no I didn't go crazy and do stupid things, like I said, I was a good kid...I had to be. I had a sizzling deal with God. If I am really good, then nothing bad is going to happen to me. Ok, I was young and stupid...at least I'm not young any more, the rest is open to debate and interpretation. That unsettled state of trust lingered through the winter and into spring. When tennis season rolled around I found myself in the #1 position in the league. I frequently practiced against the coach. He could beat me as easily as I could defeat my team mates. All the same, I struggled in league matches. I still won but everyone around me knew something was wrong inside. My Dad quizzed Deanna, my coaches, my buddies and probably people I didn't know about to find the problem. I remember after one away game in Barstow my dad showed up. After we won the match my dad talked to coach Dudley and I ended up driving home alone with my dad. It was pretty much a silent drive. There were a few questions, like was I worried about being drafted and heading to Viet Nam...a big concern in the late 60's where the drafted the youngest first....What was wrong. Honestly, I had know idea. I know something was wrong but had no clue as to what it was, just that something deep inside was on life support at best. Dad got off the freeway one exit early and drove into the driveway of an elderly and godly black couple, Ma and Pa Phelps. He went in alone and after a few minuets came out to the car and invited me in. Not much was said as I was ushered to an old wooden upright kitchen chair in the center of their one room cabin. I had no idea what was happening until Ma and Pa put their hands on my shoulders and began to pray. I don't remember hearing a word they said or how long we were there. When they finished praying we left. Not much was said after that but whatever the cloud was that had chased me through the winter and into the spring left. Today, I know that it was, at heart, a spiritual problem. For reasons I still don't understand, I was at peace and it showed brightest in tennis. I never lost another match and hardly lost a set. It all began when I was confused about the true nature of God. It ended with the prayers of saints who lived in a one room shanty with little material goods and knew then what I know now. God Loves me all the time whether I am good or not. My current circumstances...good or bad at the moment... are not the measure of His love. Jesus is. I live in relationship with him as friend, not a bartering partner. He can be trusted even if I am confused by the circumstances. There is still a lot I do not fully understand but I don't find that black cloud hanging around very long these days either.

Ancient tree?

Darin, Dustin, Shane and I wandered the desert this past weekend looking for a desert Mulie. Obviously we didn't find one but I found this juniper fascinating. My cell phone photography does not do it justice but if you click on the picture you will see a depth of character that draws you in. It made me wonder what stories it could tell if it could talk. The elements and man have taken their shots at it but it still stands strong, not defiant, but confident, courageous. At one time it's roots were totally protected, deep in the soil, but time has slowly eaten away at its base, exposing much of the life giving roots to the ravages of the heat and the axe of man. Because the roots went deep, the tree lives, scarred for sure, but beautiful in it's own way. At the time it made me stop and ponder the depth of my own roots. Waht is the earth I am rooted to? Clearly it must be bigger than me. Are my roots deep enough to withstand the storms, hacks and erosion of life? There is a rugged beauty to this tree, something that I want to be true in me also. I must be certain to do all my life what this tree has done to survive...keep getting the roots deeper and stronger. King David's Tree in Psalms 1 was rooted well, planted by streams of living water. I guess that's true for trees of all kinds, isn't it?

Noah's Catch

1. I was talking to Daniel this evening and he said Brooke was out to dinner with a local pastor's wife and he was going to take the kids fishing off the dock. I asked him to send me a picture.....yes, that's Braxton hooked on Noah's Crappie jig. He had to round up Brooke and head to the ER to get it removed....and a tetnus shot no doubt. I think this is about their 4th trip to the ER. I guess that's one way to meet people. Personally I'd stick with the dinner dates.
   

Change in Blog

Do to the increase in spaming and the vile nature of some spam, I have chosen to turn on moderation for all comments. I tried the spam filter, but junk was still getting through. Sorry, I do love to hear from you but I don't want to allow spamers to ruin it.

Hog Heaven

All the grand kids were over tonight for family night and...well to be honest we wanted a little peace and quiet so we sent them to play on the back patio. Zane came up with the idea of catching a javelina since as I noted in the last blog, they have been visiting frequently this week. David told Zane how to build a pig snare and I secured a rope for him to make it. Evidently David's plan did not suit Tanner and Zane so they devised their own plan. The place the empty Ice Chest at the edge of the lawn, put some dog food in it and around it and tied the rope to it. The plan was to drop the ice chest over on the baby when it went in to feed. We figured that might keep them harmlessly occupied waiting for the pigs to enter their trap. Tori, Tanner, Ty, Zane, Zandi, Ryker and Karsyn sat waiting. After a while Sweetie noted that it was really quiet out side and uncle Dusty got up to check on the trappers. He came back holding a crying Ryker and reported the rest were outside waiting for the baby to enter their trap. Sure enough, the little herd was feasting on the dog food provided by the GK's as they sat mesmerized by the sight 12 feet in front of them. Doni demanded we secure Tori from such a dangerous activity, but it fell on deaf ears. Finally all of us were on the porch watching the pigs do their thing. Doni insisted it was dangerous for the kids to be doing this but when Zane saw a flaw in his trapping system, (Pulling on the rope would cause the ice chest to fall the wrong way) Doni corrected his engineering problem and came back in the house....without Tori! The pigs did not come back but when Jim and Doni were ready to call it a night Jim had to literally wrestle a rope out of Tori's hands and pry her protesting little body out of the chair to get her home. She screamed all the way to the car that she wanted to catch the pig! The anuts and uncles went to a late movie so Zane and Zandi are staying with us till around 1 am. Zane fell asleep propped up on a chair watching out the window for the pigs to come back to his trap. Sorry Zane but I'm not going to wake you if the do come back. I'm afraid you will catch the baby in your trap and I do not wish to have to explain to that mother pig that we mean the baby no harm. I don't think she would beleive me. So that's what we do for entertainment around the Z house on Friday night. (I left the pic's full size so if you click on them you can enlarge it and see the pigs behind the ice Chest.)

How to Say I Love You

Dee and I have been married for nearly 42 years now and I have noticed something about how she tells you she loves you. Before I met her she had really no interest in guns....truth be told, she still doesn't....it's not my fault, honest. I tried. My first Valentines gift to her (at 18) was a 20 gage shotgun....now if that doesn't say love and commitment, what does? OK her first kill with it was nearly me, but that's another story...(no she would not shoot me, more like wrap the barrel around my neck).Her first (and latest) kill was a side winder rattlesnake she shot with great glee. ( Snakes are the one thing she definitely likes to shoot, but only if they are on the porch. She even practices the shot! ) I think it is the only thing she really enjoys shooting...and she still does shoot them off the porch! But really, wonderful as she is in every imaginable way, she is NOT a hunter, shooter or anything of the sort. Not opposed, just not interested. So how does that explain this candid shot from last week? Zane was here for the weekend and ALL he wanted to do was sit on the lawn and shoot his BB gun. There is NOTHING but desert behind the house for 6 miles so it is safe. Zane expressed a hope to get a shot at a buck, knowing he should not shoot a doe, but none happened to walk into the back yard. He did his best elk call impersonations, a few duck calls and some calls I didn't quite recognize but he was persistant! Maybe the unidentified call was a lizard call. He did bag one of those. Mostly he managed to shoot holes into a few "Indian relics" laying about in the desert behind the house. Zandi collected a few of the undamaged relics for her collection. To me they looked an awful lot like old tin cans but Zandi assured me the ancient Indians had left them behind. Seeing as how they found them in the desert it must be true. Had they been merely old cans, a more responsible person would have put them in the trash! You can't legally remove Indian relics in Arizona so the question being raised, I best leave them lay where they are. In a yet undiscovered corner of the wash is some other "relics" of yesteryear which I was going to remove but am now considering leaving them for the grandchildren to discover. It will be interesting to see how they interpret historical "digs". I digress. If Dee were to have any quality time with Zane, it was going to have to be on his terms....with a gun, thus the picture. Sweetie added a few holes to the relics proving her worthiness to sholder the firearm. Zanw was delighted to the fact that....sorry David...when he saw his dad pull into the driveway something deep inside him moaned, "O no!" Of course Sweetie thought that was the greatest moan she ever heard! Fact of the matter we both laughed and felt very loved. Zane, buddy, I can tell you this for a fact. Your GrammieSweetie, really loves you. I know. She told me she loves me the same way a long time ago. She still does.

One of the things I do NOT understand about Deanna. She says Javalina are UGLY but the other night a herd was enjoying a feast of dog food just outside our glass bedroom door and they had a 2 lb baby with them nursing as mom gorged on Purina. Deanna said the baby was so CUTE! I have pictures to prove the baby is an EXACT copy of the big one, so why is it so cute and mom so ugly?

Thoughts on Family from the Fog

I copied this off of cousin Ray's (far right, Derold, Left) blog . We didn't get the rest of the clan in the picture but we also were with Randy and wife Kimmie, Derold's wife Janna, and kids Shai and Devon and Dori, husband Steve and children Mat, Mike and Melissia. Randy and the kids had never met Ray and Derold saw him last near 30 years ago. Ray remembered the meeting well. Derold let him drive his new Camero (79), a treat for a farm boy. Things fell into place quickly because we are family. I'm sure we will all find more opportunities to get together as often as possible. I mentioned on an earlier post that I am in somewhat of a fog. A part of the fog is the season of life I am in. Several times on the trip Ray deferred decisions to me as the "patriarch" of the Zimmermann side of family. Technically I am #2 on the list but Derold's father Roland wasn't around so the mantal fell on me. Ready or not, it is that season. Hunting aside, the real motivation for the trip was to get the family together again, there was a longing to do it and I was not in any way disappointed. It exceeded my hopes. I have another kind of family here in Phoenix...and beyond...that I love to get together with too. Some would call it the church, but it is so much more than that. It is a group of people God has put into my life to share His Love with. Some of the Fog cleared this morning as I pondered he success of the trip and my desires for my other family. The trip was successful because we all got together to give, expecting nothing and needing nothing but the joy of each other's company and love. Had I gone looking to GET something, I likely would have been disappointed. I'm thinking that is were families, physical and spiritual, go wrong. Whenever a group gathers to RECEIVE from the family, they are essentially saying that Jesus had not given them enough so they had to find someone else to get it from. Since Jesus CREATED each and every one of us to receive ALL WE NEED from Him alone we will never really find it any were else. When we have received all we need from Him, THEN we are in a great position to really fellowship with all the family and share with them what He has given to us. If this only kind of makes sense to you or you want to think about it more with me, call me, you have my number.