Wednesday, January 21, 2009


I've been sick for the better part of a week and admitedly I am not quite on top of things. I feel kind of like the picture, scrambled and disorganized. Seems like nothing is working right for me right now. Deanna says I am grouchy, but she has her own health problems that top mine. She was in the ER this week with wierd back and leg pains and some heart questions so quite possibly it is only her perception not my actions, then again possibly not. It seems like a zillion issues are hitting all at once with no clear answers or direction. There is not one thing I can do to change anything on any front, thus I am bumfuzzled and a little medicated. I know you know how I am feeling becasue no doubt you have been there too. I am pondering all this in relationship to Living Loved in a relationship with God. In times past I would (pick one) get angry with God, pray, plead, offer a sacrifice of praise, complain or ! ? I have been really concentrating on how much God loves me and that it is not about my preformance. I think Dee would prefer I work harder on my performance, which I am...but not totally successfully. I am working hard not to fight what I cannot change and to go with whatever is happening knowing that God does love me and we are walking in a relationship. I am not really very good at this yet, but being sure of His love is helping me. I'll let you know how it turns out when I'm off the meds and can think straight...assuming I ever could. (it may just be the meds but I almost put in the wrong picture. I called up 319 instead of 391. 319 is a picture of Dee in labor! PTL for prepublication views!)

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